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Chapter 19

—

What kind of emotions do humans feel when they are in the face of death?

Captain Gaback gave the order to Gray-senpai without hesitation…to die here.

“Understood, Captain-dono.” (Gray)

Senpai answered the captain in this fashion as if natural.

I don’t think I will be able to forget the face that Gray-senpai made at that time.

He was…crying.

Gray-senpai saluted while facing straight at Captain Gaback, and smiled while crying.

“Alright, Touri, Rodley, come with me.” (Gaback)

“Eh, yes…!” (Touri)

“The enemy won’t let the moment we are retreating escape. We will come out at the moment when the neighboring bases are fighting. Run at my order.” (Gaback)

The captain beckoned us to the back of the trench.

He didn’t even spare a glance to Gray-senpai who he ordered to die.

“…Hm, go quickly, Touri-chan.” (Gray)

“Gray-senpai…” (Touri)

…I was staring in a daze at Gray-senpai who was being given such a cruel order.

He silently sat cross-legged at the gun that I affixed and grabbed it.

I might have been crying as well.

“…Ah, right, Captain, I have an unfinished letter for my family in my luggage.” (Gray)

“I see.” (Gaback)

“I am sorry for asking you to do an errand, but can you attach it to my death notice?” (Gray)

“Got it.” (Gaback)

Gray-senpai may have been crying, but he didn’t show it in his attitude at all.

“One last thing. Thanks for everything until now, Captain.” (Gray)

“Hn.” (Gaback)

He was acting aloof like usual.

He is most likely purposely doing this so that we rookies won’t panic here.

“…Hey, Captain Gaback.” (Rodley)

“What’s the matter, Rodley?” (Gaback)

“I still have stamina.” (Rodley)

After I was looking at Gray-senpai for a while, the rookie Rodley said this in a mutter.

“Can’t I carry Gray-senpai as a back meat shield?” (Rodley)

“No.” (Gaback)

“…Why?” (Rodley)

“Because your chances of dying will increase.” (Gaback)

I found the proposal of Rodley-kun extremely unexpected.

His suggestion was clearly made to save Gray-senpai.

He went out of his way to act strong and say he was going to carry Gray-senpai when he still doesn’t have the stamina.

“…That’s not true though.” (Rodley)

“No.” (Gaback)

“…”

Rodley was rejected without a say, so he glared at the face of the captain, dissatisfied.

I even felt as if there was vexation in that expression of his.

“What will come out of saving Gray? He can’t fight anymore without legs.” (Gaback)

“…”

…I didn’t participate much in the trench digging, so I didn’t know, but maybe Gray-senpai and Rodley-kun got along well?

To the point that he would want to save him even if it meant pushing himself a bit.

“Don’t mind me already, Rodley. Just leave it at that. You will be punched once you get back.” (Gray)

“…Hmph.” (Rodley)

Rodley was admonished by Gray-senpai himself at the end and ended up facing away.

He might have been crying too.

“Ah, right, Rodley. I want to give you one last piece of advice.” (Gray)

“…What is it?” (Rodley)

“It would be better for you to stop insulting everything and everyone.” (Gray)

Gray-senpai spoke to Rodley while the captain was silently looking for an opportunity to escape.

It was the usual kind and warm face of Senpai.

“You resemble me a lot, Rodley. You probably think the same as me.” (Gray)

“…”

“You got along pretty well with the unit you were in before, right? I heard from a survivor.” (Gray)

The complexion of Rodley changed after hearing what Gray-senpai said.

So there was a unit that could get along with Rodley-kun?

Could it be that his tongue wasn’t as poisonous in his previous unit?

“It must hurt…to have the people you got along with be killed.” (Gray)

“…Obviously.” (Rodley)

“You must hate the enemies to a degree where you want to kill them.” (Gray)

“Obviously!!” (Rodley)

…The survivors of a destroyed unit are moved to other platoons to replenish their numbers.

Rodley-kun being moved to the Gaback Platoon means that the unit he was in before was…

“That’s why you insult everyone and are picking fights in all directions, right?” (Gray)

“That’s…” (Rodley)

After Gray-senpai said that…

“You must have thought it would make you feel better to not get along with anyone since they are going to die anyways.” (Gray)

He began to pat the head of Rodley who was really crying.

“But it is not possible for you to live that lifestyle. You are way too kind.” (Gray)

“…”

“You were taking notice of all the actions of your comrades since the moment you joined, right? You must have been scared of losing your comrades to an unbearable degree.” (Gray)

It is alright. That’s not your duty.

Rodley-kun bit his lips while listening to those words of Senpai.

“…Could it be that Rodley-kun is…” (Touri)

“That’s how it is. Be grateful, Touri-chan. He has been covering the weak you until now while hurling insults. A guy like that living in such a fashion would crumble if they were to fight in solitude.” (Gray)

There were a lot of points that came to mind when he said this.

Rodley-kun said they were coincidences, but he has already saved me twice in a precarious moment.

Moreover, with exquisite timing.

“You are wrong…” (Rodley)

“Then why did you say you would carry me and escape?” (Gray)

Rodley-kun was the same as him.

He acted cold so that he wouldn’t get attached to his comrades, and yet, couldn’t throw away the softness.

He most likely came to save me reflexively just like how I reflexively carried Gray-senpai on my back.

Even though he should hate everyone and wants to be alone.

“No… I…” (Rodley)

“Be more honest. Don’t retreat into your shell. Be sad about your allies’ deaths and have the strength to move forward. You will be heading to your death if you let your mind be hit more than this.” (Gray)

…Right after Senpai finished saying this…

“Now, rush out! Run with all you have!!!!” (Gaback)

Captain Gaback shouted his order.

 

Rodley-kun and I hurriedly came out from the trenches.

And then, we entered the [Shield] that the captain created and ran.

“Gray-senpai!! I…!!” (Touri)

“Move your legs if you have the time to talk, you dullard!” (Gaback)

I have the slowest legs within the people here.

And so, I moved my legs with reckless abandon, so that I could reach safety a second faster.

“I…didn’t want to be protected by others!!” (Touri)

Before my words ended…the piercing sound of gunshots rang at the trench Gray-senpai had secured.

I am sure they were waiting for the moment we came out to rush in.

“UOOOOOOOOOHHHH!!!”

I heard a shout from the back.

That was the wild roar of the kind, warm, and cool Gray-senpai.

“Oooh… Ooooooooh!!”

But that voice began to cut off a few seconds later.

“…”

Eventually, it cut off completely after the sound of an explosion.

I was wailing as I looked at the back of the dashing captain.

That voice just now…it is already no good.

It was the sound of pain from a soldier that had blood enter their lungs and were fatally injured.

It would be difficult to save Gray-senpai now even if we were to rush to him and I were to use all of my mana to treat him.

Gray-senpai bought time just as the captain ordered.

He desperately covered for us…the people who abandoned him and ran away.

He only bought a few seconds with his life.

“Just a bit more…” (Touri)

We managed to advance a lot with those few seconds.

 

Once we safely jumped inside the trenches at the back, I heard painful cries of death from somewhere afar.

“Ma…maaaa!!”

What I heard faintly at the end was the cry of Gray-senpai.

The sound of him calling for his mom.

 

“Captain-dono, you used 1st class soldier Gray as a sacrificial pawn?!”

After we safely retreated to the sacured trench, Rodley-kun and I were sunk down on the floor for around 1 hour without saying anything.

“Yeah.” (Gaback)

“Why didn’t you stop the battle after securing this line? There’s no way we would have been able to break through with the remaining forces.”

“We would have been able to. If there were 10 people aside from me.” (Gaback)

Maryu-san, who was shot at the time when we jumped into the trench, was already dead.

With this, we had 3 deaths today.

“If you had stopped the march…!!”

On the other hand, Corporal Verdy, who I had treated, seemed to be fine.

He grasped the current situation after he woke up and was enraged by Sergeant Gaback.

“It was clearly a reckless invasion. It jeopardizes your judgment.” (Verdy)

“I see.” (Gaback)

“I will be reporting this matter. It is not like a commander on the frontlines can just pointlessly rush ahead!” (Verdy)

“Do as you please.” (Gaback)

Corporal reprimanded his superior, Gaback, heavily.

I myself was silent, listening to the exchange of Corporal Verdy and Captain Gaback.

A variety of emotions were numbed, and I couldn’t feel anything towards their argument.

“I am sorry. If I hadn’t been shot and lost consciousness… Second class private Rodley and 2nd class medic Touri, are you injured?” (Verdy)

“…No.” (Touri)

Corporal Verdy eventually faced away from the captain and apologized to us.

He was making a truly apologetic face.

“I would like to ask the details from you two as well.” (Verdy)

“…Understood.” (Touri)

“The number of casualties at the time of the captain’s order for invasion and number of surviving members. And…what were the last words of 1st class soldier Gray. Please tell me all of that if you can.” (Verdy)

“…”

“I plan on reporting this to the higher-ups.” (Verdy)

We have to respond truthfully to the question of our superior.

But I didn’t have the energy to answer in detail to the question of the corporal.

I was pretty much an empty shell at that time.

“…He was cool.”

The one who answered that question of Captain Verdy was Rodley-kun.

“Eh? Cool…?” (Verdy)

“Gray-senpai was cool. That’s all.” (Rodley)

Rodley-kun tightened his fist with blood flowing down from his lips as he said this with a voice as if squeezing it out.

This was the only time I saw him cry this intensely, including the future.

“He didn’t run away like me. Even though he knew that he would be hurt if he were to get along with someone, he supported someone like me until the very end without running away.” (Rodley)

“…2nd class soldier Rodley?” (Verdy)

“He said with full understanding towards Captain Gaback ‘Thank you’ and smiled.” (Rodley)

Rodley suddenly grabbed the collar of Corporal Verdy after saying this.

Corporal Verdy opened his eyes wide at this violence.

“Don’t report something that would hurt the honor of Gray-senpai even by mistake…! Such reports like ‘He was forcefully ordered by Captain Gaback’ or ‘died against his wishes’ that would insult the resolve of Senpai!!” (Rodley)

“P-Please calm down, 2nd class private Rodley.” (Verdy)

“I…I…want to protect his honor at least. I must protect it at all cost!” (Rodley)

“What are you talking about here?” (Verdy)

“That person readily consented to the order of Captain Gaback, and fought without a care for his life in order to cover for mine and Touri’s retreat.” (Rodley)

He took an action like going against a superior, and yet, Corporal Verdy didn’t show signs of reprimanding Rodley-kun.

Because he…

“You can only call that…cool…” (Rodley)

He had big tears rolling down his eyes while grabbing onto the corporal.

“…I agree as well, Rodley-kun.” (Touri)

The words of Gray-senpai also hit me greatly.

—— “Have the strength to be sad for the death of your comrades and continue walking forward.”

That’s something I am sure was missing from me as well.

I was so scared by the deaths of my comrades that I ended up closing my heart.

There must be a lot of rookie soldiers who are like that.

But there’s no way you can coordinate with a unit in that state.

There’s no way you can win if you fight together with people who you can’t entrust your back to and can’t believe in.

“That’s why we must move forward…even when sad about the death of Gray-senpai.” (Touri)

When I finished saying that…I grabbed the arm of Rodley-kun who was angered, and tore it away from the corporal.

“That’s why, please calm down, Rodley-kun. The corporal isn’t your enemy.” (Touri)

“…Tch!”

“We have troubled you, Corporal Verdy. I am sure he was a bit tired.” (Touri)

“…”

“I am also equally tired. Can you please wait a bit for the report?” (Touri)

“A-Alright. That seems to be the case.” (Verdy)

I am sure Rodley-kun will be reprimanded by the captain again if he were to cause a problem here.

I don’t want a benefactor of mine to do something like that. And so, I got in between Rodley-kun and Corporal Verdy, and mediated things.

“Also, Rodley-kun.” (Touri)

“What. I already know, damn it.” (Rodley)

And then, I grabbed his hand and…

“Thank you very much for saving me. You were also cool.” (Touri)

“!”

I thanked him from the bottom of my heart without hiding anything.

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