Translator Note:
This is the last chapter I will make for this arc. Feels like a good place to stop. (Gets busier the closer it approaches the trip date after all)
I will be announcing the translator within the time. I think I have a good candidate.
“Ahahaha!!”
“Did you go crazy?” (Makoto)
“No way. Just that, there were two things that made me laugh, that’s all” (Sofia)
“Hah?” (Makoto)
I spontaneously make a voice of amazement.
Even when I dispelled the charm, it just made her not talk about the Empire hero anymore, but her personality didn’t change that much.
She is still emitting blood thirst, and yet, she suddenly began laughing.
‘Did she go crazy?’ is what I thought.
But right after, I could tell that the power of the laughing Sofia was showing a change.
I see.
At the very least, she has a basis for it huh. It is not like she went crazy.
“The first one is that, my so called companion died in a truly fast and easy way” (Sofia)
“Lancer died huh” (Makoto)
I haven’t extended my [Sakai] to where Shiki is, so I don’t know if what she is saying is true though.
Well, there’s no way Shiki would lose.
But to be able to do the killing blow as well. Shiki has gotten stronger than I thought.
“The other is that, the gamble was as expected, my win. I was amazed by how strong my own luck is” (Sofia)
“Gamble? With Lancer?” (Makoto)
She hasn’t done a gamble with me.
There’s already nothing I want to test with her.
If she intends to do something, it is fine to watch what she will do, but I should put a finish to it soon.
“Yeah. If I die before him, I would become a part of his collection. If he were to die first, he will give me the remaining life he has. That kind of gamble” (Sofia)
Remaining life.
Lancer has several lives.
“… And, you who has won the gamble and received that life, what is it you can do? That sword and that dragon power, you can already tell that they are completely not up to par, right?” (Makoto)
Having Lancer’s power dwell in her at this late in time, just what would she be able to do?
Even if her sword gets slightly stronger, even if the teleportation with the light swords gets slightly better, there’s absolutely no point.
“… Ah, it isn’t something that makes me laugh, but there’s another thing that I have noticed” (Sofia)
“Hm?” (Makoto)
The joy in her expression was gone, but Sofia continues talking.
I will wait for you, so you don’t need to buy time in this way.
I sighed.
“I did this quite a lot in the past, but you know, people that fight while looking down on their opponent… are really disgusting. I have reflected on this” (Sofia)
“I see” (Makoto)
So you say.
I don’t know if she is trying to provoke me here but, right now I am able to hold the reins of my heart to a certain extent.
The conclusion of this battle as well, and its result, will most likely be reached in a quite plain manner.
This cold emotions that even felt extreme, this battle thoughts of mine, there’s no problem with it.
I think that this is simply a mental state I reach when I am fighting.
I can move like a soldier as if flipping a switch, that’s all.
This thing that is inside of me is probably a habit of mine.
It isn’t something special or anything like that.
I have experienced fights of life and death in practically a daily basis, so I probably just adapted to it.
It is not that there’s another person inside of me.
I am slightly able to accept this.
No matter what Sofia says, just like how my magic power body doesn’t let attacks reach me, I am able to take everything by surface and ward it off.
“And, those kind of people let down their guards. That’s why I was able to make it in time. Let me show it to you then; the trump card that overwhelmed two superior dragons and killed them” (Sofia)
“The strong will control the battlefield and will act as they please. I actually think that this is providence though. Is it negligence?” (Makoto)
“Even now, you are not even trying to stop me. If that’s not negligence and conceit, what would it be?” (Sofia)
“… Leeway?” (Makoto)
There was no answer from Sofia.
In exchange, a nauseating richly colored area was spread on the floor and was expanding with her as the center.
Before long, it also reached my feet and it was even stretching up to the sky.
When I thought just how far it would expand, it didn’t cover the whole space of what was once the audience room, and its expansion stopped.
A space that is not kind to the eye.
Right after an impression I didn’t place much interest in, an ear-piercing sound as if nails were scraping glass resounded heavily in the place.
The richly colored area broke and scattered, and it returns to the scene of the audience room.
But, this is…
As if affirming my guess, from Sofia’s feet, no, from every part of the sky, swords began appearing one after the other.
Each one of them were swords with different design.
The similarity they shared was that they were swords and that it was clearly visible that they were quite the quality swords.
It is a line up of swords that seemed as if someone ransacked the smithy of an elder dwarf.
“Welcome to the cage of swords. This is the place where Lancer stores the swords he gathers. And, it is also an execution ground” (Sofia)
Sofia’s fearless smile.
“Impressive. You brought me to an isolated space” (Makoto)
“It was just shifting it slightly though. But the entertainment it provides is plenty, so don’t worry” (Sofia)
“No no, just forcefully bringing someone to another space, it is a first for me. No well, putting aside an exception, I have almost never experienced this. Even if it is small, it is quite impressive” (Makoto)
Sofia silently closes her eyes and breathes in largely.
Ignored huh.
But even Tomoe was unable to do it, so this is quite considerable. Seriously.
Was that ear-piercing sound the moment when the space got shifted?
What’s amazing is that from what I see, it is as if we were still in the same place.
This might be the first time today that I have felt admiration towards Sofia.
She didn’t attack me immediately, so I decided to use [Sakai] to understand the characteristics of this space.
“Increases the power of the one that deploys it. But what’s best at is… the cohabitation of swords and life?” (Makoto)
“That’s not on the level of a revelation. Did you do something?” (Sofia)
“Well a bit here. So all the swords here are the life of Sofia. That it produces infinitely depending on one’s worth, quite the unpleasant power there” (Makoto)
From the stocked swords here, I can feel the pulsation of life.
It is as if the swords and her are sharing lives.
Looking at her reaction, it seems I am not wrong.
“… A thousand and eighty. They are not infinite” (Sofia)
“Seems to be slightly fewer than that though. There must have been many used when Lancer was fighting Shiki” (Makoto)
It is a magnificent view as well. A splendid power there.
Thinking about the individual battle prowess of Sofia, fighting infinitely in this place, even superior dragons would not like it.
On top of that, in the first time I fought with her, she already had the Waterfall dragon. In other words, she first obtained the power of the dragon that was specialized in healing.
I feel sympathy towards Darkness Clad and Crimson Light.
“It doesn’t change the fact that we will continue this dance of swords until you die” (Sofia)
“But too bad. At the very end, you brought the worst power you could have brought out, Sofia” (Makoto)
Towards the Dragon Slayer that had taken two swords in hand, I announced this.
I probably did a heartfelt expression of pity there.
Sofia didn’t do any refutation, and in exchange, she stared at my left hand.
“Raidou, what is that?” (Sofia)
“Things like warrior or magician; they are wrong, totally wrong, Sofia. You see, I am…” (Makoto)
I turn my left hand towards her.
While still holding it.
My weapon that I took from a different space a few moments ago.
In this place, in this space that Sofia has created and reigns over, I am able to do this.
It feels as if I am putting Asora into practical use and I do feel bad about it.
“Aaaah!!!” (Sofia)
Must have been her instinct.
With wide opened eyes, Sofia roars.
In a speed that can be compared to that of a bullet, she cuts towards the magic power body.
Heh~, the strength is high.
Then…
I will change [Sakai] to enhancement.
The magic power body that was sharply torn up by Sofia was instantly regenerated to the point that it was practically not injured anymore.
After confirming this and nodding, I take a white arrow in my right hand similar to the bow I have.
And then, I fix the arrow to the string.
Sofia continued her attack from the sky. Her eyes not straying from my left hand in any moment.
“This is… Azusa. My weapon. The craftsmen that made this were adamant in having me place a name to it, you see. And so, I have given it the same name of an ancient bow. It is called Azusa Yumi” (Makoto)
I pour a massive amount of magic power to the bright white arrow in my right hand.
Steadily turning its color to pink, and then, turning into a deeper red.
It is an arrow made from the same material as my ring Draupnir.
This is what I thought when I obtained this magic power body.
If I can’t construct a spell by using a massive amount of magic power at once, I just have to accumulate it.
That it is fine to just use what’s accumulated.
Even if there’s a limit to how much can be accumulated, the power of this arrow that has turned completely red is a lot stronger than any magic I can use.
“Aaaahhh!!”
As if being manipulated by her will, the other swords aside from the ones in both her hands, began to attack me as well.
Slash, stab, swipe, rain incessantly.
Attacks that showed no mercy.
Within all that, Sofia was skilfully evading her own attacks while flying around, changing her position, and continuing her attacks.
She is even bringing out spells. She was literally utilizing everything she had.
Doesn’t matter.
A bow that is unusual in this world. I utilize a form of holding the bow that I am accustomed to and draw Azusa to its very limit.
If I have to kill you over a thousand times before this ends, I just need to do this all at once.
These swords and Sofia as well; I will vanish everything in this one attack.
“Raidooooou!!!” (Sofia)
I eliminate Sofia from my field of vision.
I close my eyes and turn silent.
Even if you get impatient now, it is already too late.
“O bow of Azusa, draw forth and bind the spirits wicked… Just kidding. I only have vague memories of it though” (Makoto) <Thanks to Darkslime for the help in translating this part>
“You, you are—-!!” (Sofia)
She herself secluded us in this small place.
There’s already no escape.
There’s no need look at Sofia who is trying to confuse me by flying everywhere.
Just by hitting something, the attack will reach this whole space after all.
I slowly open my eyes.
“I am an archer. Name is Misumi Makoto. It would be pitiful to shout out a fake name in your last moments right, Sofia?” (Makoto)
“I still haven’t… that guy… Root… I have not even met the harmony supreme dragon yet!!! Like hell I will die!!” (Sofia)
Even though I went out of my way to tell her my name.
She ignored it.
“You are talking about Root huh. Harmony, you say. I feel like chaotic would fit him more. But, how laughable. You haven’t even noticed that the person himself is using you as a substitute for a camera” (Makoto)
“?!!”
Not only is he not giving her any attention, she is even being used, and she didn’t notice until her last moments.
I feel like, conspiring to fight with Root is also a mistake, but the result of her challenge was quite the unsightly thing.
And that title of Dragon Slayer as well.
“Goodbye, Sofia Blue. Ah, Root, you owe me one, okay?” (Makoto)
“!!!”
A glance.
As if looking deep into the eyes of Sofia, I told that pervert that is definitely watching this live feed.
Pointing towards a random sword stabbed in the ground, I fire my red dyed arrow.
The arrow that went through the magic power body destroyed the sword and made a high-pitched sound.
The bright red light of destruction that was flooding this small space was rapidly filling it up and vanishes the large amount of swords that existed within it.
It obviously touched the surface of my magic power body and slowly scraped it off, but it didn’t reach all the way inside.
The part where the arrow passed through has already been closed.
No mistake.
But different from me, the screams of anger and agitation of Sofia were resounding.
But it didn’t change anything.
Soon her body was engulfed by that light and her voice abruptly stopped.
It happened soon after. The space she created made a breaking sound similar to glass and was destroyed.
In the silent audience room where no one is present, there’s only me with my bow.
Plain, huh.
You were also the same.
The scent of the wind that was different from a few moments ago helped me confirm that I have returned.
… I noticed that Root was looking at me at around the time when Sofia began flying around the sky.
Peeping.
I was surprised but, it is Root.
I don’t know what connection Sofia had with Root, or for what reason she showed so much attachment towards him.
I actually don’t have much interest in it, but it feels like it might serve to pester Root, so I will talk to him about it at a later time.
As an apology for the habitual perverted utterances he does.
“Next is… the Stella Fortress huh” (Makoto)
Going there is such a pain.
But even so, if I shoot straight from here, it would turn pretty bad.
… It seems like Seiko was also my deed, so I should try to be prudent about grandly changing the topography.
If there’s people in between the distance of the fortress, I would be killing them pointlessly as well.
If possible, I want to destroy only the target.
I look up.
It is still night.
While still cladded in my magic power body, I kick the ground.
After a leap of several meters, at the moment the momentum weakened, I used magic power to harden my footing and do another jump.
When the whole capital was in my field of vision from below, I increase the altitude even more.
“If it’s from around here… I think it will work” (Makoto)
I materialize magic power to serve as footing and stand in the sky.
Remembering last time, I look at the approximate direction of Stella Fortress.
But just by doing that, as expected, the darkness of the night still gets in the way.
Let’s try this.
I mark a place I can tell with the topography that it is there.
Concentrating at both ends, me and that place, I don’t spread my awareness to everything that’s around, but at the place that I am looking at. As if tying it to me.
This is a method I used in Japan when my target had quite a lot of distance.
With several trial and errors, my vision finds a giant fortress that is not lighted.
Must be that.
Well then, let’s do it.
I take another arrow from a space where nothing is supposed to be.
There’s no need to carry a quiver. That’s the good part of this method Tomoe thought of.
It is also good that the gist of this method is practically the same as opening a door to Asora.
It is not like I have a grudge towards the building, so the time I used before I drew my bow to the limit wasn’t that long.
There’s no need to wait for the arrow to turn red after all.
“With this, a business dealt with” (Makoto)
How far is the distance, frankly speaking, I don’t know.
Several tens of kilometers, no, maybe even more?
But strangely, I didn’t feel like I would miss at all.
The red light makes a trail, and that fired arrow hits the objective location. It created a beautiful pillar of light.
I patiently look at it and confirm the state when it is over.
If it is still safe, I would have to shoot another one after all.
… Looks like it will be okay.
The fortress and, of course, a portion of the terrain around it was dragged as well; the ground turned mortar shaped.
With this, the request of the Goddess has been finished.
I disperse the magic power serving as my footing.
As if being pulled from below, my free fall began.
I confirm the place where Shiki is and, creating several footholds, I alter my trajectory.
Safely dropping to the ground, or more like, I crashed onto it.
If I left my body in the center of the magic power body, there would have been no problems.
If I get dropped in the future, I will be totally fine.
Confirming the figure of Shiki that seemed as if he had trouble saying something in thought transmission, I could tell that he was fine.
He is fine but…
“Why… are you in that form?” (Makoto)
“I am truly sorry. I have exposed my appearance. Lancer was unexpectedly…” (Shiki)
Shiki lowers his head deeply.
Shiki’s form was not the Lich but the hyuman one.
“Seems like you are quite exhausted. Let’s return quick” (Makoto)
“Is it okay to leave the capital like this? The hero… it seemed like she was no stranger to you though” (Shiki)
While making a face that can’t hide his exhaustion, Shiki still asked me about my actions from here on.
I did say senpai after all.
Of course he would remember.
If Shiki and Tomoe looked at my memories, it wouldn’t be strange for them to know her as well though.
Now that I think about it, they didn’t show much interest in my classmates and friends.
“The people of Limia should be able to do something about the capital right? It seems like the King is also hurrying, so if we are going to involve ourselves, it is fine to do it later. If we do things without understanding the situation, I think like it would turn troublesome later after all. About the hero… well, she is indeed someone I know. I will talk about that when we return. Not only did she see me in that appearance, I also saw her in such an appearance as well. Honestly, I don’t know with what face I should be meeting her with” (Makoto)
I showed her a special effect hero cosplay and I saw her sexy cosplay. Just what kind of face should I make? Seriously, whenever I am involved with the Goddess, nothing good happens.
“Long time no see… would obviously be bad huh” (Shiki)
“… Impossible” (Makoto)
“But Hibiki didn’t seem like she was that embarrassed with her appearance though. When I was looking as well, she didn’t show any noteworthy reaction and was unreserved” (Shiki)
“Well, isn’t that because you are a skeleton?” (Makoto)
“She also saw me in this form though” (Shiki)
“Hm, did senpai have that kind of preference?” (Makoto)
I never heard of this.
… No no, don’t be troubled by this.
Even if she has that kind of preference, it is not like it is well-known.
In the first place, I have only seen senpai in regular clothes once, and it was by chance.
It is practically the same as not knowing her at all.
How stupid.
Let’s return quickly.
It is me, so at worst, I might even run into her if I stay long.
It seems like there’s no survivors around here, but even with that.
“Also, about the adventurer of Tsige. I was unable to save him” (Shiki)
“Can’t be helped. An adventurer is that kind of job after all. He himself chose to participate in the war and came all the way to Limia. He must have been prepared” (Makoto)
“It would be good if that’s the case” (Shiki)
“If senpai is fine, for the time being, there’s no problem. Don’t mind it much. Try sleeping for a bit” (Makoto)
“… Now that I think about it, there’s no contact from Tomoe-dono and the others” (Shiki)
“They are probably already in Asora. In thought transmission, she told me, while giggling, to look forward to her report” (Makoto)
“As always, so much liberty, those two” (Shiki)
Shiki makes a distant look.
“At that side there was no Dragon Slayer and hero, so wasn’t it easy? You shouldn’t blame yourself too much, Shiki. You really did well after all” (Makoto)
It seems like he was slightly dispirited so I try cheering him.
“Waka-sama, looks like you easily handled Sofia. I don’t see a single wound or dirt” (Shiki)
A heavy gaze. It seems Shiki faced quite the hard battle against Lancer.
But to encourage him by saying that wasn’t the case, I think that it would make him even more despondent.
“Well, she was a handy opponent to test my power” (Makoto)
“… I have to become stronger” (Shiki)
“Yeah. If there’s anything I can help with, I will also accompany you” (Makoto)
“Please! Oh, and by the way Waka-sama, I saved one of the companions of the hero party. They said they wanted to give their thanks but, what should I ask for?” (Shiki)
Ah, Shiki returned to the Rotsgard Shiki.
That he doesn’t drag it forever is also a strong point of Shiki.
… It is a strong point he got by being thoroughly beat up by Tomoe and Mio though.
It is a splendid strong point, no doubt about it. Yeah.
I have to learn from him too.
“A reward. Isn’t it fine to just ask them to leave it as if they didn’t see your appearance?” (Makoto)
If he doesn’t do that, at worst, Shiki won’t be able to appear much in Academy Town or in places with many people. And I would face the full brunt of the business again.
It would turn into a situation several times more scary than this one.
I would sleep with a stomach pain.
I-If it’s the cash register where I serve the customers with my japanese style ‘a smile for zero yen’ I feel like I might be able to manage somehow though.
“I already tried saying this, but who knows what will happen” (Shiki)
“I see. In that case, ah, if I remember correctly, in the hero party there’s a Priestess-san from Lorel, right?” (Makoto)
I have thought of something good.
“Yeah, she said her name was Chiya. For a hyuman, she had quite the amount of magic power. In the future she will most likely become a prominent priestess” (Shiki)
“That’s why, in this way…” (Makoto)
I tell Shiki what I thought.
“Understood. Then” (Shiki)
“Yeah. Let’s return to Asora” (Makoto)
I don’t think there is a banquet at this late night.
But it seems like their side had a big victory. In that case, it should be fine to do a banquet tomorrow.
While worrying about Shiki who has used his power too much and had his footing staggering slightly, we silently left the capital.
TLN: Sorry for the delay! Real life got me for an instant >< Enjoy! ------…
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Question btw if I understood Hibiki's new power correctly.
"To change the concept that people place on her into power"
In other words if everyone believes in her and thinks she's a strong hero she get's stronger. It's not explained entirely but since it's "people's conception of her" it would mean that for instance if she turned super evil and made everyone hate/fear her she would also get stronger while at the same time if she stayed like she is the hyumans adoration of her would turn into power while the demons/demi-humans/mamons who hates her would also empower her.
While it's not explained yet if all concepts of her would turn into the same thing like for instace making her stronger/have more magic power, or if for instance seeing her as a monster and fear/hate her would turn into a destructive power while seeing her as a hero and love/adore/place their hope in her would turn into a more benevolent power.
It would mean that the only real way to make the power ineffective would be to ignore her or not think/feel anything about her, while Hibiki by just making more and more people think anything about her would make her stronger.
Well feel free to correct me if I am wrong anywhere.
Well I think it's more like converting the faith of the people to the Hero into magic power, so as long as there are people that believes in Heroes they got powerups. Similar to the movie Clash of the Titans wherein the Gods Zeus get his power from the prayers of the people and Hades get stronger using fear, hatred, and despair.
Her Fan Club is the source of her power, like an idol singer.
Power of friendship then.
Also thanks for all the chapters you've released and have a nice trip which is hopefully relaxing and fun :D
have a safe trip !! cya in 2 months reigo
reread from ch1 and..... I miss Toa and Co.!! T_T
though I've heard from someone that it seems Toa appeared in the later chapter...
Really? What about poor Ema? I'd like to learn about more recent characters like the new Asora residents, Ester, and "prince" Joshua too.
Too many characters running around. Maybe the author killed off Sofia and Lancer because he realized he went too far and they were the best candidates for deletion.
What? I don't think killing characters off is necessary for petty reasons like "too many sides in a struggle".
Ah...I think I finally get why your frequent use of tropes and other literary elements has been bugging me. Whether or not that's how it really is outside my impression, your approach sounds like storytelling has to follow a very mechanical, formulaic approach. It's as if a good story can be made as long as you piece together the results of dissecting other good stories in a logical way, with one event or characteristic of an event needing to follow another by some sort of law of storytelling.
And maybe you're right. I certainly can't claim to have read enough stories, studied enough literature, or done anything else to make myself an expert on what makes a good story. But it still bothers me because it turns what I treat like an art into a science. As much as I like logical flow, coldly turning characters into numbers, dialogue into a color, and events into a checklist makes the idea of a story start to lose appeal.
I want to get invested in a character's motivations. I want to agonize over a missing piece of the big picture. I want to get wrapped up in the emotional side of a story even if it's nothing special or part of a common manipulation tactic. Heck, I even want to argue with other people about what should or shouldn't, did or didn't, and can or can't happen in a story.
Breaking it all down into a recipe that just needs a little salt or baked for too long seems to ruin that for me.
i am interested in whats going on with ema too feel sad that she is not mentioned at kaleneon siege and that joshua said s?he want to say something to makoto gets my curiousity.
I think Ema actually showed up in the invasion. Go check again.
She was...the mage that helped launch the juggernaut orc I think?
well Ema has made appearance, even if only a little as a "general" of Asora's army
mm... Ester? who was it again?
and "prince" Joshua is on the King side, by the story progress, I think (s)he will make a contact with Makoto when demon's army side has retreated or fallen at Stella
I'm saying that the author should follow more conventional tropes and styles because of two reasons:
1: This is the WN/LN genre. There's no real reason to get fancy with the audience demographic. If you can write great literature in a WN/LN format, good. But if you don't, there's no real reason to take that risk.
2: The writer simply lacks the skills to step outside those conventions. I present example after example of how he violates basic tenets of writing for no gain. It's galling to see such good ideas sabotaged by bad writing.
It's not just me - every chapter is filled with commenters trying to figure out what's going on. More often than not, no one really knows and we have to guess. We have no idea what's important or not based on what we are told.
Most of all, there is no sense of consistency, no purpose in this kind of writing as we would expect from a suspense or horror novel. As readers, we aren't being led by the hand as being dragged around by our ankles, which is about as wrong as it sounds.
If you like what you like, then it's fine that you're willing to overlook these problems for your own enjoyment. But you should never forget that they are problems, especially if you should ever choose to write your own fanfic/WN. It's not just confined to literature; it's a common problem in gaming, too.
no announcement for the new translator yet?? im raring to read what will gonna happen next. or maybe Rei-san is packing his things right now and dont have the time to announce?
Have a safe trip Rei-san!
Too many characters running around in this scene. The lack of a proper setting makes it worse - where the hell are all these people? The roof just blew up, how are they getting around? The narrative flow is a convoluted mess and needs cleaning badly.
A better way of handling it would be to start with a full treatment of Io vs Hibiki. She loses and is KO'd. As Io is about to land the fishing blow (usually with a "worthy foe" speech), Makoto arrives to save the day. It's cliche' but still a hell of lot better than the trash we were presented. The KO is important - it takes Hibiki out of the fight (exit Stage Right, lol) so that the POV doesn't bounce around so much. Io gets bitchslapped vs. Makoto and he gets KO'd as well (exit Stage Left, lol).
As for fucking Rona, she can be cut out entirely since she serves no real purpose. If you want to add her, make her emerge from the shadows after Makoto beats the shit out of Io. First of all, they're now alone, so blurting out his secret identity could be forgiven (Maybe - a Chief of Intelligence should understand the value of secrets). Second, she's seen what he'd done to Io, so fighting is out of the question. So she negotiates Io's release, which should be easy, given that rescuing Hibiki was Makoto's goal, not trashing Io. A promise to support him at that time he meets her boss (she knows how useful he could be) is also given to sweeten the pot. So, a prisoner exchange is made - Io is released and the Daemons promise not to attempt to kill Hibiki before his meeting with the Daemon Lord.
Lancer and Sofia makes her appearance by walking into the Throne Room or flying in through the window and Sofia tells Rona to fuck off. Rona denounces Sofia and tells Makoto that the Daemons will not hold his killing Sofia against him. Rona bows, delivers parting words (exit Stage Right, lol), departs with the unconscious Io in tow (with magic, I guess).
Now this is where it gets interesting. We can't really fix all these Asspull Powerups, so we'll just let Makoto One-Punch Sofia, mock her with the knowledge of the charm placed on her and tell her to GTFO. If she denies it and accuses Makoto of trying to confuse her, just have him scornfully tell her that he doesn't need to lie - she's too weak to be worth it. To make her position even more tenuous, have Shiki kill Lancer off camera. Time to leave. Much can be written later about her going out to find the truth and the ensuing roaring rampage of revenge.
Now that everyone else is out of the picture, still-unconscious Hibiki and Co. are stabilized and quietly transported into Mist Town for later.
Finally a short dialogue with Shiki and internal monologue to sum up what happened, what it might mean and how Makoto feels about all this. Done. Rather than jump from POV to POV, we have a single POV at a time, which is much easier to follow.
Do understand that Reigokai-san is just translating the content, criticizing/correcting his translation should be fine, as long as it is constructive. But you are criticizing the actual story, so I do not see why you are posting this in the comment section. I suggest you get all of that translated and e-mail the author directly.
IMO your take on how the story should have evolved is too cliche anyways. Maybe write your own story or fanfiction about the subject instead.
@Reigokai-san thanks again for the hardwork. Hope you have safe travels and a pleasant two month trip!
What's wrong with him criticizing the story? He's not criticizing reg. I do agree there is way too much expectation of imaginative figuring it out required by the readers, the author needs to give the story better direction.
s/he is not criticizing the story, s/he is criticizing how the story is being delivered. it is true that its wrong for him/her to complain here, the blog of a translator. its better if the complain was sent directly to the author, that is if s/he even knows how to contact the author
him/her complaining here will serve no purpose other than making his/her tiny heart feel better. which is greatly insignificant. the whole message can be viewed as if asking reigokai to translate it and change the pov after understanding the story which results in unfairly more works for reigo....
These comments are for the reader, so that they may understand that the confusion they feel isn't their fault nor the translator's, but that of the author's drab but convoluted writing style. Even if you never write yourself, knowing the basics of storytelling is very enriching, as you can make the ordinary or bland into things you can enjoy and share with others without boring them.
The chief problem in this scene is referred to as "The Featureless Plane of Disembodied Dialogue". I'll let someone else explain:
"Conversations don't take place in a vacuum. Other things don't stop happening just because characters are talking. Many beginning writers forget this, writing long chunks of dialogue without any narration or dialogue tags to break it up, and in the process, the reader becomes lost in the Featureless Plane Of Disembodied Dialogue."
"...the reader is given no reminders of the setting in which the dialogue actually occurs: For all they know, the scene could be completely bare and blank, with nothing to look at, no other characters and absolutely nothing occurring whatsoever aside from the dialogue in question. In the very worst cases, the writer may fail to even set the scene in the first place, giving the reader absolutely nothing at all to visualise what's happening. Another problem is that it's easy to lose track of who's saying what, especially if there are more than two characters involved in the conversation."
That last part is very important. This scene was like walking into a crowded cafeteria while blindfolded. It was unnecessarily complicated and did a disservice to the flow of the story. Arranging the scene in a simpler, more linear fashion (one conversation at a time) makes it easier for readers to follow the progression of events and gives the impression of time passing (and the story moving along). It also provides ready-made intervals to insert action and descriptions. Again, the arrangement I showed is basic and cliche' but it works better, which supports the claim of bad writing style.
"Sometimes an author may do this on purpose, for example to keep The Omniscient Council of Vagueness appropriately vague. Other than that though, the Featureless Plane Of Disembodied Dialogue is uncommon in published literature, because professional editors tend to frown on it quite heavily."
^THIS. It can be made to work, but clearly the author is in over his head because what we get is a confused, convoluted mess. Some writing styles are deliberately vague or misleading, but that's not the case here. The lack of a payout (aka foreplay) and pointless exposition elsewhere shows the lack of design and leaves readers (like me) frustrated and confused.
Then you have the sheer number of Inaction Sequences in this story:
"A fair bit of anime is adapted from manga, its print cousin. There are good things and bad things about this.
The trouble is that the narrative style of manga derives from literature, where the amount of space you spend on something is proportional to how important it is (I wish), while the narrative style of anime derives from film, where the amount of time you spend on something is (even after all the tricks of time compression and such are considered) proportional to how long things actually take. "
"Often, you'll have heroes spend entire episodes taunting each other mid-battle, explaining their last move in excruciating detail, explaining their next move in even more excruciating detail, calling their attacks, building up their Battle Aura, gathering their composure for the next attack, adopting a silly pose, reflecting on all the things they stand to lose if they don't win this one, telling their life stories, or just being randomly philosophical. "
Sound familiar? If you consider it that way, this reads like Script Fic, the author (and WN/LN authors in general) writing a novel like a anime adaptation of a manga. WHY?!
"Works which place a premium on dialogue can often have a much more naturalistic vibe than works in which dialogue is secondary, and end up with better developed characters. On the other hand, when executed poorly these works can end up feeling slow and draggy. The more dialogue, the higher the probability of unintentionally silly situations like Talking Is a Free Action or Narrating the Obvious. (Don't I know it.) ... In visual media with text (such as comic books or webcomics), writers may run the risk of creating a Wall of Text."
There are speech centric novels that work, but not in an fantasy action/adventure story; you can't assume the reader knows what things look like, nor treat the fight scenes as you would a leisurely lunch at the local cafe.
I think this kind of thing is polished by editors when the Light Novel is created. If I understand it correctly, when they get a contract they publish the story as a light novel, and then there's editors and people that criticise and give some advise to the author.
That's why the LN is different than the WN, I think. At least in the case of the "Death March kara Hajimaru Isekai Kyousoukyoku" - there's a WN and a LN, and both are very different in the way the history flows, even some events were changed. At least in the few chapters I found.
You've been putting whole paragraphs in quotes and using capitalized terms for a while now.
Can you tell me where all this stuff is even coming from?
It's distracting reading through it all when I don't even know the source and how credible it is when you're treating it like the ultimate authority in writing.
It does work to a point. I like to think the editors are doing their jobs, but it still pokes through. A good example of this is the climactic fight in Overlord between Ainz and Shalltear. Even after editing, the LN version of the fight is so long _the anime adaptation had to cut out large chunks to make it fit_. It's usually the other way around.
There's also a limit to what the editors can do. Using Overlord as an example, the editor can't tell the author, "Change the Lizardman and Worker arcs into Side Stories because they distract from the themes of the main story", even if he's entirely correct.
Now I can't help but associate the name John Doe with huge walls of gibberish text and overused Stage Left/Right jokes followed by the obligatory lol... how am I going to watch Law and Order properly now? =/
"Can you tell me where all this stuff is even coming from?
It’s distracting reading through it all when I don’t even know the source and how credible it is when you’re treating it like the ultimate authority in writing."
My sources, found in a 5m Google search:
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/LitClassTropes
http://theeditorsblog.net/2011/10/25/dialogue-my-characters-talk-too-much/
https://www.thebalance.com/top-tips-for-writing-dialogue-1277070
http://www.how-to-write-a-book-now.com/writing-dialogue.html
if you want to convert this arc as a short story, sure that kind of flow might work. IMO the way you want to present the flow of events will kill the character of the characters (characterception, lol) and doesn't fit the story.
This "trash" multiple POV made me feel the characters more than your, uninteresting, for-short-story-cliche-flow-of-events, single POV.
"This “trash” multiple POV made me feel the characters more". How? I could count on one finger the number of times a character's expression was actually in this scene. Don't fool yourself; we don't see character development, we have Deus Ex Machina Asspull Powerups. If this was Star Wars, Luke would never have gone to Dagobah and seen Yoda; instead, he'd wake up with Jedi powers and you'd call that character development.
Why do we need to see the expressions of a character to know their feelings? We're already in their heads from the POV.
You can argue about how this or that doesn't effectively give us information all you want, but don't go assuming these things come from nowhere because plenty of us picked out the information to see it coming.
Just what here even fits those terms you keep throwing around? Makoto's bow was being made by the Eldwarves ever since he recruited them. The magic power body was touched on during Makoto's summer training. Hell, Makoto's very presence here is a literal deus ex machina.
The closest thing to an out of nowhere trump card is Io's Rose Sign, and even then Hibiki's had plenty of history with that for it to not be considered an author's bullshit addition.
Even then, so what if something had no foreshadowing? Every side in this arc has been hiding their cards for some time and this is a major event where those are meant to be played. Of course some things can be unexpected. That still doesn't mean it's out of nowhere.
In fact, I want to know, as concisely as you can manage, what sort of story you're expecting this to be. To be clear, not what the author is doing poorly, but what sort of story, genre, and style that would necessitate the writing techniques you have in mind. If this story were written "perfectly", how would you describe it to someone else?
If you can, an example or two of stories doing exactly what you're expecting as well.
"Hand."
"Why do we need to see the expressions of a character to know their feelings?" Yes. Otherwise the writing is unbalanced and tedious. Style should be a tool, not a crutch.
"Even then, so what if something had no foreshadowing? Every side in this arc has been hiding their cards for some time and this is a major event where those are meant to be played. Of course some things can be unexpected. That still doesn’t mean it’s out of nowhere."
I'd agree to a point, were it not for the fact that the author has a habit of flat out telling us what's going to happen and what it means. So when he doesn't, we are forced to assume it doesn't happen or mean anything. So when that's not the case, it's especially jarring and annoying, the literary equivalent of a jump scare.
"Makoto’s bow was being made by the Eldwarves ever since he recruited them. The magic power body was touched on during Makoto’s summer training. Hell, Makoto’s very presence here is a literal deus ex machina."
Being an Overpowered Game Breaker (which is what Makoto is) isn't the same thing as being a Deus Ex Machina. I'll use Overlord as an example again. Ainz is an OGB; it's clearly established that he's the most powerful person in the New World - he doesn't even need to "level up". But that's fine, because the story isn't about his power; the story is about his development as a person, his understanding of the world around him and his place in it. It's Deus Ex Machina when people appear out of nowhere and just tell him everything about where he is, what's going on and how he should live his life from now on.
In short, OGB is a plot device, DEM is a story cheat.
"In fact, I want to know, as concisely as you can manage, what sort of story you’re expecting this to be. To be clear, not what the author is doing poorly, but what sort of story, genre, and style that would necessitate the writing techniques you have in mind. If this story were written “perfectly”, how would you describe it to someone else?"
That's easy. You think this is the first time we've seen this story? It's a fantasy action/adventure novel:
1: Fantasy = Voyage of Discovery. It's a New World, there's so much new and awesome stuff to showcase.
2: Adventure = It would start with finding a way back home, but over time, there are other goals and motives invovled.
3: Action = Stuff gets in the way of #2. Conflict resolution drives character development, see above.
4: Drama = The quiet cousin to Action. Internal conflict drives Character development.
5: Conclusion = Decision time. Makoto's life in the New World has indelibly marked the land and himself. He must come to terms with the decisions he'd made and the sacrifices he'd had to make. Even if he could freely travel between worlds, he'd be a stranger in either.
You know what kind of genres are best suited for the author's style? Mystery, Courtroom, Slice of Life and Comedy. Genres where it's fine to assume where people are and what they look like. Genres that don't depend on movement, which largely involve people talking. But that's if the style is done right, which in this case is not.
And before anyone says, "But the author already does this!", he does not write in a way that encourages readers to care. Say what you like, this is not COMPELLING prose, stuff that is DESIGNED to suck the reader in and never let go. In games, we call this the "One More Turn Syndrome". This WN is the gaming equivalent to a good idea wrapped in a horrible UI. In case I have to make it clear, yes - it matters.
@ John Doe
Basically, you are saying that the Author should have written it with every "fighting" cliche in the genre?....
I'm sorry to disagree.
I find the story great as it is.
I don't need the story to lead me by the hand to explain everything to me : I can read, I can imagine, I can make links myself, I can tolerate suspense, and tolerate having the explanation come later.
I am not a little kid, and I can tolerate being presented a "realistic" story.
Even more than that, I enjoy this story because of this.
Having the story follow all the tropes, all the "the hero arrives just in time" things that you propose...etc would make the story bland and falsly spiced up. It'll be a remake of all hollywood films and LN out there and be oh so predictable !
but each is entilted to like what s/he wants.
/regards
Thx for the chapts reigo, gonna be lonely without my fav translator for two months, but i wish u luck, hope u have a good time, and eagerly await ur return
Why did Sofia joined the demons?
this is a kinda spoiler but not that will reveal a big facts, she was hunting the dragons right ? she got water, fire, shadow, blade(Lance) and left others 3 some of the dragons (inside all 7) are kinda protected by countrys, so what the fast way to get the dragons ? alliance with hyumans or demons ? but in deep thought there no explicit reason
2 and a half days, im trembling, red eyes, nights without sleeping.
The withdrawal symptoms arrived...
How could this continue? "O bow of Azusa, draw forth and bind the spirits wicked… "
Just kidding.